Good Day for Gandy

Little do they know the fate that awaits them below. The horror!

We are doing our part to keep the Recycled Teddy Bear / Stuffed Toy industry alive and prosperous.

And it’s a full time job: the dog, now at 7 months, has both grown a full set of adult canine teeth AND learned how to use them efficiently to chew through the toughest of stuffed hides–usually starting at the nose–to reveal the delicious spun-plastic stuffing inside. Yum!

Soon after sacrificing someone’s previous favorite crib toy to the little Chuckie-doll we live with, the carpet is strewn with PoohBear viscera, and the remains have to be retrieved and given a crude final resting place in the nearest dumpster.

And then, the next wave of victims comes home from Angels in the Attic, as you see here, washed free of bed bugs, cooties, and other imagined vermin that (she says) require a washing before being ripped apart.

I think with this batch, we’re going to begin a new Life-After-Death program in which, after the hull has been breached, we will simply reach through the awful gash and eviscerate the formerly stuffed creature.

We will then give the empty hide back to Gandy–the deflated but still mostly furry shell–for further incisor demolition and dog slobbering. This extra post-mortem effort might buy us a few more minutes of blissful distraction from Her HighMaintenance Majesty.

At least, so far, the inside furniture has not met this same fate.

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Fred First holds masters degrees in Vertebrate Zoology and physical therapy, and has been a biology teacher and physical therapist by profession. He moved to southwest Virginia in 1975 and to Floyd County in 1997. He maintains a daily photo-blog, broadcasts essays on the Roanoke NPR station, and contributes regular columns for the Floyd Press and Roanoke's Star Sentinel. His two non-fiction books, Slow Road Home and his recent What We Hold in Our Hands, celebrate the riches that we possess in our families and communities, our natural bounty, social capital and Appalachian cultures old and new. He has served on the Jacksonville Center Board of Directors and is newly active in the Sustain Floyd organization. He lives in northeastern Floyd County on the headwaters of the Roanoke River.

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  1. Ah, this brings back memories of the Dalmatian I had when I was young. A true omnivore. She ate everything we ever gave her, except raw onions, but including light bulbs (somehow without cutting herself), Christmas ornaments harvested directly from the tree, and fingers off of two baseball gloves.